I started down the road to self-improvement for the same reason that many young men do.
I was single and I sucked at relationships. Since then, I’ve made tons of mistakes, fell in love and back out again and read so much about this subject that I can never go back.
In today’s blog post, I’m going to share what I’ve found to be my top 5 books for men about love.
Let me know if you agree in the comments or if there are any books you would add to the list.
The subject of love and relationships can be controversial in the world that we live in right now. So, please bear with me.
My Top 5 Books For Men About Love and Relationships
1) The Game – Neil Strauss
Main Positive: A highly entertaining and relatable story for most men.
Main Negative: Horrendously sexist at times and an absolute ethical and moral nightmare.
We start off with one of the most controversial books ever written on the subject.
There’s a good reason why I think that every man should read The Game. It’s the ‘mostly’ true story of a loser guy who learns to become a ‘pickup artist’. He masters the sinister art of seduction and spends the entire book shagging an endless amount of women.
This will no doubt have split my readers into two groups – one group that thinks that sounds great, the other group thinks it sounds vile.
Here’s the secret about The Game – it’s not a seduction guide. It’s a cautionary tale.
Throughout the book, Neil Strauss (a.k.a Style) never finds happiness until he gives up the gimmicks, tricks and manipulation. His friends splinter and turn on each other. The mentor figure of Mystery comes out of it worst of all.
To top it all off, Strauss almost screws things up with the girl of his dreams because of his mastered seduction techniques.
Let me repeat: this is not a book about picking up women, it’s a cautionary tale of what happens when you only care about your happiness and pleasure.
Read it, digest it, but take it with a grain of salt.
2) Models – Mark Manson
Main Positive: Immediately practical
Main Negative: None – this book is an absolute gold mine for men who don’t know who they are
Mark Manson is the real deal.
He’s nothing like the typical “seduction experts” that you will find online. There are no creepy tactics in his book on relationships. You will find no gimmicks or manipulation.
What Manson is teaching in Models is the secret to happiness in all areas of life: authenticity.
Where many “PUAs” and “seduction gurus” will focus on teaching you to become someone else, to show strength and no weakness, Manson wants the opposite.
In his book, he teaches the reader how to become more authentic. He wants you to be your most true self and that means embracing vulnerability.
If I could pick one book for all young men to read on relationships and love, it would be this book.
3) Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus – John Gray
Main Positive: Really easy to read
Main Negative: Gray doesn’t leave a lot of room for alternate relationship types such as gay or lesbian couples
In this book, Gray writes about how both parties in a relationship monitor the amount of give and take. If there isn’t a balance, then resentment begins to occur.
Where the problem lies is that men and women use different “point systems”.
According to Gray, communication is the key to resolving these imbalances. Men need to understand that the way they view acts of love and kindness may not be the way that the woman does and vice versa.
As long as you don’t take the book too seriously, this book can provide great insights into the way that men and women differ in relationships and communication.
4) The 5 Love Languages – Gary Chapman
Main Positive: Condenses 30+ years of couples counselling experience
Main Negative: Does not address what to do if you’re simply in the wrong relationship
According to Chapman, there are five Love Languages.
The 5 Love Languages are the way that your partner in a relationship communicates. For some people, their love languages are the same. However, this is not the case for all relationships.
For example, if my girlfriend’s Love Language is “Quality Time” and I just keep using “Gifts” to show my love, there is going to be a communication issue down the line.
Chapman believes that identifying your partner’s Love Language and then matching it with your own is the key to effective communication.
Obviously, there should be some give and take and your partner should make an effort to match your Love Language as well, but it makes sense that communicating in the same way as your significant other can improve relationships on the whole.
5) No More Mr Nice Guy – Robert Glover
Main Positive: Finally dispels the “Nice Guy” myth
Main Negative: Arguably too male-centric – but that is the target audience
Almost every guy has been there – the friendzone. I’ve been there more times than I can count.
You see, I had always thought from quite a young age that you have to be the nice guy to get the girl. After all, what girl doesn’t want a guy who is willing to bend over backwards for her? Who wouldn’t want a boyfriend who agrees with everything she says?
Well, it turns out the answer is: almost every single woman on the planet.
Being a “Nice Guy” has never worked for anyone in the way that the person wanted. To be a “Nice Guy” is to feel entitled to a relationship on the basis that you are a good person – which means absolutely nothing.
Glover does a great job at dispelling the “Nice Guy” myth.
Now, this isn’t to say that you should go out there and start being a dick. Instead, just focus on being your most authentic self. Do it for you, otherwise, it’s just another gimmick that will get you rejected over and over again.
Read this book!
I hope you enjoyed my recommendations for the top 5 books for men about love and relationships. I think it’s so important that guys start to talk about these things.
So much sadness and anxiety could be eliminated from the world, but we have to be willing to address our failings and our feelings.
Let me know in the comments or contact me. I want to hear what you have to say.